knightrider

2005-08-21T04:44:00.000-07:00

heyy
i was just thinking to myself
what's the fun of havin 10 good ways to deal with irritating people if...
you can't irritate them yourself.
as a result i came up with:

10 good ways to be an irritating person (trust me, i should know. i AM irritating)
1. keep bugging someone over a certain issue again and again.
2. after you've had a victory, rub it in. very hard.
3. speak with a constant underlying sneer in your voice.
4. if someone tries to make contact, simply look away with an expression of bored interest on your face and sigh at intervals.
5. if forced to do groupwork, laugh at their pathetic attempts to come up with a solution.
6. don't say anything unless absolutely needed. in spy lingo, it means "a grey man'.
7. adopt a practised look of long-suffering silence at all times.
8. shower them with thinly-veiled insults
9. groan and moan about the people around you. say something like, i'd rather die than have to endure this group of *descriptive adjective*
10. blatantly insult them and drive them crazy.

*author's note: he is not responsible for any damages to property or persons (grievous or not). use of this literary work is completely at the user's own risk.*

2005-08-20T23:42:00.000-07:00

Episode III: Revenge of the XYZ supermarket
just yesterday i went to the XYZ supermarket to do some grocery shopping. It was hilariously funny.

I was sauntering by the aisles when I thought it might be interesting to get some peanut butter for some outrageous experiment. so I ambled down to the relevant section and got a shock. There were so many brands. Of peanut butter. But that wasn’t it. Immediately I saw a brand of peanut butter called … JIF. Isn’t JIF the previous name of a brand of detergent that’s called CIF??? You know the one with the really weird TV ads (but all TV ads are weird so never mind). Whatever. I got a rude shock anyway. Sad isn’t it that our lives have sunk to such a deplorable state.

That wasn’t all.

Following this, I walked a bit more and came to the rice section. I saw this: Royal Umbrella Fragrant Rice: $10.30. Thai Fragrant Rice: $7.30. The only other difference? Thai Fragrant Rice had XYZ supermarket’s label on it. Why would Thai Fragrant Rice be $3 cheaper? Then I had a dreadful thought. Maybe it was a secret conspiracy on the part of XYZ supermarket. Reverse psychology. Maybe Royal Umbrella Fragrant Rice and Thai Fragrant Rice are one and the same. So by purposely pricing one at $3 more, they entice customers into buying the $10.30 one because after all, Singaporean mentality is such: more expensive means better quality!

Most possibly and probably this “secret conspiracy” is all bosh and is a figment of my imagination. Well, let’s hope it is. If not, the consequences would be dire.

2005-08-20T03:29:00.000-07:00

hello once again!
recently i was thinking of how to deal with irritating people
and after a while i came up with 10 ideas.
not all are recommended.
(N.B. this is done in jest. not all of them are serious.)

10 ways of how to deal with irritating people
1. if you have the patience and have reason on your side, attempt to overpower him using logic.
2. if you don’t have the patience/don’t have reason on your side/he’s just too unreasonable, be just as unreasonable as him. Logic goes out the window.
3. if you are in a group with over 2 supporting you, let the others do the talking/arguing. Pretend to busy yourself, don’t say anything and secretly laugh.
4. glare at him as venomously, acidically (not a real word) and maliciously as you possibly can. Don’t say anything either.
5. match everything he can say with a classic comeback line of your own. Remember, don’t lower your standards to his.
6. plaster a condescending, maddening and leering expression onto your face. Smirk at him every so often. (a word of advice: go home and practice it in the mirror, otherwise you’ll look really ridiculous)
7. mock his speech by repeating everything he says in a cruelly distorted version and tonality of your own choosing
8. pretend to be utterly amazed and astounded at everything he says
9. direct actual physical violence at him
10. if all else fails, pretend to fall asleep

*disclaimer: the author is not responsible for any damages to property or persons as a result of this literary work*

2005-08-18T02:18:00.000-07:00

hi everyone!
a piece of advice to everyone and anyone who is simply freaking out:

rather appropriate wouldn't you think?

2005-08-16T05:46:00.000-07:00

sorry everyone cos this is my THIRD blog.
very very sorry for any inconvenience caused... :)

*thinks about what to write*

ahh...
just thinking about my violin exam makes me shudder...
its like the examiner went: G major scale, seperate.
i went like... erm...uh-oh...
G, A, B, D, E FLAT *yeeks*, F, G SHARP...
and a whole host of other nonsense...
i think i did HORRIBLY. though it's an understatement...
*sobs uncontrollably*

btw
do any of you suffer from bouts of schizophrenia? (hence the blog name)
i do, brought about by tons of insurmountable homework...
sometimes i feel like my brain's gonna be seriously DEADED one of these days.
what a humiliating way to go...
i can just imagine my epitaph:

CONAN CHIU QIAO HAN
departed on *date*
by a severe overdose of SAHS (severe acute homework syndrome)
which has been clinically proven to pose severe health hazards

can you imagine it?